


Something's Wrong With Jack

by VintageBandomTrash



Category: Jelix - Fandom, PewDiePie - Fandom, Septipie, jacksepticeye, youtube - Fandom
Genre: A fuck lot of drugs, Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse, Blackmail, Chapter Fic, Descriptions of sex, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drugs, Gay Stuff, Infidelity, Jelix - Freeform, M/M, Partying, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self destructive behaviors, Sex, an OC that isn't mary sue I promise, drug benders, felix being a lil bitch, revenge porn, sean calling a man daddy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-07-27 04:29:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16211426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VintageBandomTrash/pseuds/VintageBandomTrash
Summary: When Jack runs into an old college fling, his predictable life gets turned upside-down as he gets re-introduced to the darkness he thought he had left behind.





	1. Meeting My Match

     I’m not trying to defend it as the wisest decision I’d ever made, but I’d fight you if you tried to call it unreasonable. I had just moved to Brighton, my first time away from all of my family and friends, and I ran into an old friend from Uni, Adam, who invited me out with all of his friends. And of course I said yes.  Granted, ‘old friend’ is a little bit of an understatement, ‘old fling’ is more accurate. We had history, years of it, hooking up between classes and spending the odd night together. It was an open secret, even as we dated other people we’d sneak into each other’s dorm rooms to spend time. Being with him was the best high I could have asked for, and seeing those golden eyes again brought all of it back. I would have sworn at the time that I loved him, but there was a silent agreement between us to never bring it up, so I kept moving between girls and kept my lips shut.

All of it ended amicably when he graduated, with a friendly goodbye as he donned his cap and gown and moved off to England for work. He was brilliant-- an absolute genius, really, and some smart aerospace company had swept him up before he even had a diploma. My hotel management degree made me look like the town idiot next to him, and I found myself thankful that I had achieved some form of real success by the time we met again, even if it was just playing games on the internet.

Later that night, after we ran into each other, I met him and his friends at some run down pub on the other end of town. They were a rambunctious bunch, not what I had expected from him, but it was still a good time. No one asked me about YouTube, which I was ever grateful for, though I did catch some looks when I denied a call from Felix sometime around midnight. If it was important, I figured he’d leave a voicemail. That was a complicated part of my life I wasn’t willing to invite in to tarnish tonight, not under Adam’s steady gaze. The bar was about to close and when someone proposed we go to a dance club. I was getting pretty tired, though, and just wanted to head home.

“Do you do drugs at all?” One of the friends asked, the one with the curly brown mop for hair. I replied that I had, back in college-- Adam and I had experimented with just about everything.

“Cool, then keep up with us.” He smirked in response, and after checking over his shoulder, I watched as he poured out a line of fine white powder onto the table, giving Adam a look before he poured out a second.

“Have at it, you two.”

I felt a hand slap my arse, the slap turning into a firm grab, and I found myself blushing some hideous color of fire engine red. “Just like old times, Seán.” Adam whispered into my ear, handing me a rolled up £1 note and readying his own. Unable to say no to the hoarse voice that caused my pants to tighten like some pavlovian sex monster, I snorted up the line in sync with him, wincing at the burn as the all grinned at me. Someone snuck up behind me-- I think it was the one with the blonde hair and glasses-- and tilted my head back, pouring a shot of whiskey down my throat. “Give it ten minutes and you’ll feel great.” The curly haired guy had insisted, and we headed off to the dance club.

It was a Saturday night, so the club had been raucous, but by the time we got in I felt fit to run a marathon. Another call from Felix got denied, and the lack of voicemail just told me he was looking for a midnight excuse to get off, the lonely motherfucker.

Like I said, things were complicated between us then. And I had other plans.

I don’t remember much of what happened in the club. There were shots-- a lot of them. Another line of coke, I think. A lot of flashing lights and a lot of Adam’s hands touching me. It was intoxicating. It wasn't until we were in the bathroom and he was unbuttoning my jeans that I was able to feel my own body, his hands steadying me against the stall door as he got on his knees. He seemed desperate, and his need only turned me on more, sucking me off with as much practiced skill as I remembered him having all those years ago. It took me a little bit longer than normal to finish considering I couldn't feel too much, and Adam bit his way up my neck, contact that I welcomed. I wanted to be bruised by this beautiful hurricane of a human. It had been so long.

We left the club when the lights turned on, something I've never managed before. I'd always been one to go to bed relatively early, but I wasn't too interested in anything that would separate me from Adam. So when he offered me a place to sleep and a cab to share I readily took him up on it, my head beginning to spin as everything wore off in the dawning sunlight.

Sometime in the late afternoon I awoke, feeling like I had been hit by a truck. I didn't dare open my eyes as I rolled over, hugging the warm body next to me.

“You're finally awake.” a voice murmured, and in the least graceful way possible my sleepy brain replied “Morning, 'Fe.”

“'Fe? Is that that Felix guy you were refusing all the calls from last night?” Adam asked, and I groaned, hugging him tighter.

“Sorry, brain is mush. Need more sleep.” I felt a near silent chuckle reverberate against my chest.

“And we're back to being each other's secrets, aren't we?” That was the absolute last thing I wanted to talk about, though when I peeked an eye open I saw a few articles of a woman's clothing strewn about the room. The pit grew in my stomach, mixing with the nausea to form a black hole of anxiety.

“Not mine. Felix isn't important.”

“Ah. Well, Moira gets home around 4. So you'll need to be gone by 3:30.”

“You've got me feeling nineteen again.” I joked, glancing at my phone to check the time. 2:45, and… five texts from Felix.

_So, should I assume you're dead?_

_Why'd you keep ignoring my calls last night?_

_Mark wants to know if you want to Skype later to talk about ideas fundraisers this Xmas._

_Interested?_

_If you don't respond to me by 5 I'm filing a missing persons report. xx_

I had texted him back, feeling guilty for the first time that day.

**_No missing persons report needed. Not feeling well. Can probably still Skype._ **

_Glad to hear it, Jack-O'-Lantern. I'll let him know._

“Can I use your shower?” I asked him, despite the protesting pounding in my head.

“Yeah. Use my towel, it's the grey one hanging up.”

I weaseled my way out of the bed and honestly I'm not sure how I made it through the shower, besides sheer determination not to embarrass myself by barfing down my new-old friends’ shower drain.

Once I was dried and dressed I lingered in the doorway for a minute, taking in the sight before me. It honestly felt like nothing had changed, but he had grown older, worked out more, and looked incredible half-draped in his white linen sheets. 

“You don't look half bad yourself,” Adam said, reading my mind as he always had. “I've been watching you, you know. Your channel. Moira is a fan and she has no idea about us so it's like.. my dirty little secret. She _wants_ to fuck you, and I've been inside you more times than I can count. Drives me crazy, honestly. I’m surprised she hasn't noticed how horny I am after watching you.” The words slithered out of his mouth maddeningly casually. He still knew how to push my buttons.

I lingered somewhere between embarrassment and pride, the place I resided happily wherever someone brought up my job. But a different part of my body, an admittedly stupid part in retrospect, took control of my mouth. “Want to do that again?” I asked, approaching him. “Not now, of course. But… soon.” His biceps flexed as he reached up and ran his fingertips down my chest, his beauty mesmerizing.

“Yeah. Let's do it. Give me your number, and I'll call you. Your place next time, if this Felix guy is really nothing.” He winked and handed me his phone, my hands faltering as I made myself a contact. 

“Felix _is_ nothing. He's too… I just… we…” it was impossible to find the right words to sum up years of ignored feelings, friendship, and fucking on the side. Yes, I was seeing a pattern, no, I wasn't interested in thinking about it too much. Self-analysis was never my favorite task.

“I don't want to get into it.”

With a knowing smile he took his phone back, nodding. “Well, I'll see you soon, Jack. You can find the way out.” The words were dismissive but I almost felt like I saw affection in his eyes-- maybe I was desperate to think that's what it was. All I know was that during the walk home, in yesterday's clothes, feeling like absolute trash, I couldn't stop grinning.

I spent the rest of the day trying to pull myself together into some semblance of a functioning human being, cleaning my flat and washing my bedspread just in case. It was around 8 or so that the familiar Skype ring interrupted my music and I crashed down into my gaming chair, hoping I didn't look a mess as I answered.

“Jack!” My best friends chorused.

“What's going on, guys? So you two can't come up with a decent fundraiser idea, huh? Need my help? I always knew I was the brilliant one between us.” I had to avoid looking at Felix's webcam, afraid he'd see straight through me.

“To be fair, we haven't tried.” Mark countered. “So what have you got?”

I had to force myself to talk at all, refusing to let down my charade. I didn't need to feel guilty, Felix just used me. That was it. I owed him nothing, and I could see Adam as much as I wanted. And I could do drugs and stay out as much as I wanted. He wasn't my mum. But I was still super drained by the time the call was over, and queued an old video to upload the next day. There was no way I could record that night-- all I could manage was a dramatic flop into my clean bed before I passed out.

In retrospect it was probably the universe sending me a big, fat red flag for me to ship myself off to a counselor, but I woke up to two nearly identical texts from two different men the next morning.

_Jackie, can I see you tonight?_

_Seán, let me see you tonight._

It took me a grand total of no time at all to text Adam back to give him my address, and Felix to tell him I'm busy. There was a certain victory in it, finally feeling like I was beating Felix in some one-sided game of cat and mouse. I felt like I held power for once in our relationship. It was intoxicating.

 _You're busy?_ Felix had responded. _What are you up to?_

**_Is a guy not allowed to be busy? I've got recording to do, and thumbnails to make, and sponsors to get back to._ **

_And I can't chill while you do that all why?_

**_You'll distract me. Just let me work._ **

_Ok, Mr. Businessman. Let me know when you have time again._

I hated lying to him, but I didn't hate when Adam was smirking in my doorway, or leaving fat red hickeys on my neck, or holding me up against a wall as he quite properly fucked me ragged. I especially didn't hate it as he wanked me off before he finished, growling in my ear that “that Felix guy needs to keep his hands off my property, because now that I've got my fuck toy back, I'm not giving him up. Daddy doesn’t share.”

“Yes, Daddy.” I promised through torn, post-orgasm breaths as he fucked me ruthlessly until his own release. When he gently placed me down on the bed I felt tattered, desperate, drunk. He seemed indifferent.

“You haven't changed one bit, Seán. Thank God.  Nothing gets me off like you calling me Daddy.”

I watched as he pulled the condom off and tossed it in the garbage, getting his boxers back on. I sat up and grabbed my own, suddenly feeling entirely too exposed.

“Girlfriend doesn't quite do it for ya, huh?” I quipped.

“Fiancé.” He corrected, and my stomach flipped.

“When's the wedding?”

“Three months. Want an invite?” I knew he was joking, but the idea of showing up to the wedding made me want to vomit. 

“You know, I think it'd be better if I didn't attend.” I winked, grabbing a pack of cigarettes out of my desk drawer and lighting one. It wasn't my best habit, but it calmed my nerves in front of the gorgeous, hungry hyena in front of me. He took one without me having to offer, making himself comfortable on my bed.

“I've gotta go soon.” He said suddenly, as if the silence between us was a warning siren. “But let's not be strangers. I need my doses of Seán, and you need to get high and fucked. You've seemed so miserable. In fact.. reach in my jeans pocket, will you?” I did just that, finding a small baggie with three blue pills. “You can have those.”

“What even are they?” I turned them over, only noting small numbers on one side.

“Valium. Take them one at a time, a few hours apart. You'll not even understand what the word stress is.” It had been so long I practically drooled at the sight, remembering how he'd feed me them after hard tests or bad days. _Just relax_ , he'd say, _let me take care of you. You're no good to me when you're so wound up._

“Um.. thanks.” I managed, tossing them on my desk. “You don't have to.. like.. give me stuff, you know. I'm perfectly fine with just seeing you.”

“Sweet thought, but unrealistic. You know I like to take care of you.” He purred. “What Daddy lets his boy go without?” I could only nod, feeling the angry red lumps he had left on my neck. There was no way I was going to be able to see Felix for a while if I couldn't cover those up.

“Let him see them. Let him know you're taken by someone that actually cares.” It was no use hiding myself from Adam-- he was always one step ahead of me.

“I told you, it's not like that.”

“Oh, Seán. I know you better than that and you know it.” He finished off his cigarette and pulled his clothes back on, cold, slender fingers caressing my cheek. “If this Felix gave you the time of day, you wouldn't be here with me right now. You're too loyal for that. But you're still worried about what he'll think. Tell me-- what did he say when he broke your heart?”

His words hit just the right nerves, and I shoved his hand away, wishing I had the courage to hit him. “Don't you have a fiancé to be tending to?”

“As a matter of fact, I do.” He pressed a quick kiss to my lips and I found myself melting into him all over again. “I'll text you." 

The second the door shut I took one of the pills he had left, restraining myself to not down all 3. I didn't know what I had gotten myself into, but I loved it, and the dizzying sedation made me feel whole for the first time in a long while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Adam is not based off anyone, real or fictional, that I am aware of existing. Any similarities are purely coincidental*
> 
> Authors Confession: Writing "Daddy" in a sex scene made me so uncomfortable I had to download Google Docs onto my phone because I did not feel safe writing it on the same computer I use for my work.


	2. I'm Made For this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack learns some harsh truths about himself and continues to ignore them
> 
> CW: Mild Non-Con, a lot of drugs, and abusive relationships. You've been warned.

You know those times when you smoked weed and then your parents come home early and you have to pretend you're not high, but the entire time you assume they know anyway? That's how it felt when Felix came knocking shortly after 10. I had just taken the second pill and froze when I heard him outside. “Let me in! I brought food!”

“I told you I was busy tonight, Fe’!” I yelled back, hoping he would just leave. But of course he didn't, and I opened the door to a grinning man holding a bag of Chinese takeaway. “I know you usually forget to eat when you're working. And I wanted an excuse to see you.” My vision was beginning to fuzz out around the edges and the last thing I wanted to do was eat.

“Right, thanks. You can put it on the table. Plates are where they always are.” Felix shoved past me with his usual exuberance, pausing when he took another glance at me.

“I'm.. sorry.. do you have company?” He asked, pointing to the place on his own neck where the hickies laid on mine. I have no idea how I could have forgotten, but I blame the drugs.

“No, I uh…” fought with the vacuum cleaner? Tried to curl my hair? “I did, but he's not…” I shrugged, unable to look Felix in the eyes. I didn't want to know what he was feeling, resolved to not feel the guilt that was brewing in my stomach. “He left. Um. Food? Let’s eat.” 

“Yeah. Well, you know.. that's great. I'm happy for you. I'm sure he's a great dude. You know him long?” Felix dropped a fork with his shaking, clumsy hands, sending it clattering on one of the porcelain plates. I jumped, shaking my head. “He's an old friend, kind of. I don't want to talk about it. Honestly I was just going to bed.” Anything to get him out of my house.

“I'll be quick then.” He poured out two portions of fried rice and chicken, putting one in front of me. I tried to eat it, knowing that if I didn't he'd just be worried, but my stomach turned with every bite. It was only another minute before Felix broke the silence, asking the question I knew had to be the only one on his mind.

“So are you two exclusive, or can we keep on?” 

“Why would we keep on?” They weren’t the kindest words, but they were the first to come out of my mouth, and I saw Felix grimace as they hit.

“I don't know, I just figured since like.. we've been at it so long, or whatever? We were having fun, I thought, so if it doesn't  _ have _ to end..” 

“Can we talk about this some other time?” I asked, not ready to have this conversation. After all, it's not like I had a boyfriend, and sure it was nice feeling in control with Felix, but things weren't official with Adam and never would be. I had a passing thought that maybe I should just find a normal person, who like took me on dates and stuff, and held my hand, and introduced me to their parents, and didn't call themselves Daddy as they handed me benzos they knew I couldn't resist. Or, in this case, a man who turned me down and turned me into some strange best friend/cumdumpster/business partner hybrid. 

That all seemed so intense and unfamiliar, though. I had happily sat all these years with men and women that got what they wanted and got out. I had tried to turn what Felix and I had into something more normal, and that had failed so miserably I figured it wasn't meant to be. This was what I was made for.

“Ah… yeah.. fine. Sure.” Felix didn't seem satisfied but I didn't care, focusing more on staying in control of my body as I had increasing trouble tensing my muscles.

“If you want to leave that's fine. I know this isn't the kind of thing you were expecting.”

“Yeah.. I might take you up on that, honestly. I'm sorry. It has nothing to do with.. you, or your new hookup, it's just… I need to go. I have a lot of work I’ve been putting off. I'll see you later, yeah?” 

“Of course. Thanks for bringing dinner.” I watched as Felix stood and left, not looking back at me. I'd never felt worse and, at the same time, completely unjustified in feeling bad. It just didn't make sense.

I barely made it to the bed before I passed out that night, the room spinning around me as I fell into a deep sleep.

For once, when I woke up, I didn't have a text from Felix. Adam, however, had had some fun in the middle of the night.

_ Just fucked Moira. Came thinking of you and your tight arse. _

_ You drive me crazy, Seán. Absolutely crazy. _

_ How have I gone these years without you? _

_ You're completely addictive. My nicotine. _

_ I hope you enjoyed the Valium, I know they're your favorite.  _

**_Careful not to scream my name, now. You’ll give yourself up._ ** My replies always came off as a lot more confident than I was. Inside I felt like I was playing a part, auditioning for the role of the smooth, nonchalant hookup guy.

_ I'm better at keeping a secret than that.  _

I climbed out of bed, feeling better rested than I had in ages. Maybe I'd actually get some filming done today, if I could focus. One thing was for sure-- I couldn't spend the entire day in bed thinking about Felix. It was time to get work done.

Listening to your gut about people is generally recommended and revered practice among society. And I had a really good sense for who was and who wasn't good for me, but I also had a cock that really liked the bad ones. So when I showed up to Adams house the next weekend and he shoved a pill in my mouth before I was even through the door frame, I happily, perhaps stupidly, swallowed it. 

“Thank God you're free tonight, I needed to relax.”  I sighed as he wrapped his arms around my waist, twirling us around.

“I saw your stream. You looked like you were about to cry.” He remarked, and I cringed. “I wasn't, I just… I'm tired.” The truth of it was, YouTube had turned into such an inane grind that making videos, or streams, was almost painful. The second it started I counted down the moments until it was over. I had spent two days filming and streaming just so I could go a while without, happily pretending it was a permanent change. I was beginning to think I might make it one.

“I'll wake you up.” He cooed, bringing our bodies close together.

“Speaking of which.. what did you give me?”

“Ritalin. Seemed like you needed an upper.”

“Fair.” I grinned, and he smirked back, golden eyes burning with his cheshire cat grin. I felt like I was willingly feeding myself to a wolf, desperate to be ripped apart. “What do you want to do? With Moira gone for a few days…” I could feel him hardening against my thigh, and suddenly regretted not bringing a few changes of clothes. It was going to be a long weekend.

What followed would be what I remember as one of the biggest benders I've had to date. It started with ritalin, moved to coke when that waned and endless liquor to compliment. He had stocked up on my favorite whiskey, making sure I was never without a buzz. 24 hours in Adam fed me a mystery pill that knocked me out, waking up 14 hours later in his bed. Then more liquor and some MDMA that had us dancing in his living room for hours before he collapsed on top of me on the couch.

It was absolute paradise. I didn't answer my phone-- I couldn't. Instead I shut out the internet and got fucked and sucked off and high for three days straight, and part of me was relieved to know that I knew my place with him. It felt dangerously good to abuse myself,  at times teetering so close to the edge of total self destruction that it aroused me. Not to say I have a fetish for death, but the idea of achieving it after a weekend like this was almost too much to handle. Maybe that should have been my first sign that things were going south. But instead, when he gave me two sleeping pills and told me to be there when he got home from work, I abided and swallowed them like the good person I decided I was, falling asleep as he kissed my forehead on his way out the door. I was completely spent, and my body felt weak as I barely managed to pull the blanket over myself. 

I think I stumbled out of bed a few times during the day to piss, but it wasn’t until Adam got home that I actually noticed what was happening. He had my hands bound to his bed posts before a harsh slap across my face startled me awake. I tried to sit up and failed, heart pounding.   
“Wha.. what is.. what are you…?” The hungry grin was back as he pulled off my boxers, fingernails tearing at my skin as he went. I cringed, trying to get away.

“I’ve been thinking about you all day, Seán. Wish I could come home to this every day.. what a fucking treat you are.” I found myself getting hard in spite of the pain, or perhaps because of it, as he bit my hip bone harsh enough that I swore he drew blood. 

“You could, just.. drop Moira.” It wasn’t meant to be a joke, but I knew it was one. He laughed accordingly, wrapping his hand around my cock and beginning to pump it slowly. 

“No one could take you on full time, Seán. You know that. You’re too…” Adam’s head dipped down as he thought of the right word, tongue swirling around the top of my cock. I involuntarily squirmed, restrained hands turning into fists. “Needy? You’ve never been happy with just one person, and you know it. You  _ think _ you would be, but you get off on being used. It’s written all over you.”  

I was sure he had tied up my hands because he knew I would slap him if I could reach him, his words burning in my chest. I couldn’t help but think back to the night I had kissed Felix for the first time, and he had kissed me back, and I was convinced that that was it. I had found my forever person. Adam pulled me out of my own head by slipping one lubed up finger into my arse, gently working it in and out before he added another.

“Eyes on me, stop thinking about him.” He growled, using his free hand to slap me again. I followed his command, meeting his gaze. “He’s dead to you, alright? I did my research, and he’s a fucking loser.” A third and fourth finger were inserted, causing me to grimace as I stretched open and burned. “Cut him out.”

I nodded, sure that any defense of Felix might actually be dangerous at this point. “P.. please just fuck me.” 

“You want that?” He asked, pulling his fingers out and putting lube on his bare dick. “I’m gonna fuck you bareback tonight, and I’m gonna cum in you, and you’re  _ mine _ .” It turned my stomach but I nodded anyway before I felt him press himself into me. I felt like crying, but my body moved anyway, loving the way he felt without a condom on. A moan escaped my lips as he spread my legs wide, picking up the pace, golden eyes piercing my own. 

“I can’t believe you’d give him  _ this _ .” Adam continued, reaching his hand down to stroke me again. It was almost torturously slow, and my back arched just to get more contact with his hand. “You’re so beautiful, he doesn’t deserve this. I sure as fuck don’t.” The idea seemed to turn him on as he grabbed my hips, raising them so he could fuck me harder.

It was only when his phone rang that he paused, seeing his fiance’s name on the caller ID. “Shut up and stay quiet.” He commanded, grabbing the phone from the edge of the bed and answering it. I gritted my teeth as he spoke, desperately trying to keep my breaths even. It was almost amazing how clearly he could speak while he fucked me, free hand playing with my balls. 

“Hey, love, what’s up? ...Oh, really? That’s great! I’ve been so bored here without you… what time?... oh, perfect, I can make us a reservation somewhere… I’ll see you soon. I love you.” It was almost sickeningly ernest for a man who was currently balls-deep in someone else, but the moral implications didn’t stop my toes from curling as he hit just the right spot.   
  
“We need to make this quick, and then you need to get out.” He muttered, hand moving doubletime on my cock as he fucked me even faster. “She’ll be home in twenty minutes.” I couldn’t even respond, mind turning to absolute sludge as I hurtled towards my orgasm, smacked by it just moments before I felt him release in my arse. Adam wasted no time untying me, tossing me a tissue. “Clean yourself up and leave.”   
  
“A.. alright..” I muttered, wiping my cum off my stomach before I threw my clothes back on, having to retrieve them from different parts of the house, piecemeal. I didn’t even bother to say goodbye, but did swipe a few more valium from his stash on my way out, considering it payment for such a clean exit. 

I wish I could say it was disappointing to check my phone and see nothing from Felix, but it was honestly a bit of a relief. I didn’t need him worrying about me all weekend-- he had his own shit to deal with right now. Didn’t mean I couldn’t try to help though, right?

**_Hey, you okay? I haven’t heard from you in a while._ ** It wasn’t like him to be quiet, even when he was upset. When he was upset he was usually the loudest.

_ Yeah, I’m good. Just giving you some space.   _ I should have left it there, but the flutter in my chest whenever I heard back from him took control of my fingers.

**_Can I see you tonight? Let’s hang out._ **

_ No, I don’t think so _

**_Why not?_ **

_ I’m busy? _

**_With?_ **

_ None of your business. _

**_Oh, so now that you can’t fuck me, I don’t deserve to know about your life._ **

I knew Molly caused a short temper for a while after you took it, but I stared at my own response in horror after I sent it, strongly considering throwing my phone off a bridge in an attempt to save myself the shame of his response.

_ What the fuck are you on? That’s not it at all. I’m just fucking busy. Jävla fan. _

**_Sorry, sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me._ ** It was the most honest thing I had said in months, and it just came out as a weak dismissal of my own behavior.

_ I’d say so. Look, I’m fine with you dating someone else. I’m just busy.  Are you feeling okay? Have you eaten? _

**_No._ **

_ When was the last time you had something, Jack? _

**_Thursday or Friday._ **

_ What’s wrong with you?  _ I sat down on a bench, head spinning, though I couldn’t figure out if it was from the drugs, the sleeping pills, the lack of food, or my own stupidity. Maybe it was some combination of all of those things.

**_I don’t know. Can I come over?_ **

_ Yeah, fine. Come over. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking through this, y'all. This is the most I've written in.. years? Probably? 
> 
> Also my boyfriend has started jokingly calling himself Daddy after he learned how uncomfortable it made me. I'm so upset by this development. I blame every one of you who read this fanfiction, past and present. No kinkshaming intended.


	3. All My Fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack doesn't know what his truth is anymore.
> 
> CW for drugs and abusive situations

Felix, despite all his flaws, and all the flaws in our relationship, took care of me. Adam did his best when we were younger, but with a heavy hand and harsh corrections. If I couldn’t curl up on my Mum’s couch, Felix’s was going to be the next best thing. Hailing a cab I gave them his address and fell asleep until the driver was shouting at me to get out, the swede’s home looming over me.

I didn’t even need to knock on the door before he answered, squinting as he looked me over. “So you look like absolute garbage.” He remarked, blocking me from entering. “Like, exceptionally bad. Where have you been, sleeping in a bear den?”

I rolled my eyes. “Something like that. Thanks for the confidence boost.”

“Let’s get you something to eat. I ordered a pizza earlier, so you can have the leftovers.” He didn’t give me a chance to answer, instead shepherding me over to the couch to sit. A second later a clean pair of boxers, pajama pants, and a t-shirt were thrown at me. “Your clothes are gross, change.” I did so without protest, folding my clothes and setting them aside as he pulled the pizza slices from the oven.

“So are you going to tell me what you’ve been up to?” He asked, eyeing me carefully. “Were you with that guy? Because you look like you’ve endured a gangbang from hell. Is he treating you alright?”

“Good enough.” I responded bitterly. It wasn’t like Adam treated me well, but Felix wasn’t one to talk. For all the mothering he did when I was down, he took more than his fair share as well. “It doesn’t have to do with him.”

“If you insist. Just eat something.”

He watched carefully while I ate, concern raging behind his carefully structured demeanor. Obviously he knew something was up, but I wasn’t ready to talk about it. I wasn’t convinced I could pull the words together if I tried.

Two pieces of pizza later I turned down a third, and he handed me a tall glass of water, resuming his seat next to me on the couch. “Work going okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. I mean, it’s fucking terrible, I’m miserable, but we’re all there right now I think. Unlike someone I don’t have an entire subreddit making my content for me, but…” I elbowed him jokingly, trying a smile. “I’ll survive it.”

“We should go on vacation or something. Maybe we can extend vidcon and just hang out for a few weeks in LA.” He offered, placing a gentle hand on my arm. “Might do you some good.” The idea sounded appealing, and part of me really wanted to spend a few weeks alone with Felix. It was the same part that foolishly thought that I could make him love me if we just spent enough time together-- the part that thought I would be happier here than in Ireland. Instead I was miserable and stuck between two men that didn’t want me but wouldn’t let me go. An idle hand reached up and started fixing my hair and I leaned into the touch, eyes closing. The vacation sounded like heaven, but I knew it would just be a different hell.

“I’m alright. I shouldn’t. You should, though. Take the break, go hang out with Mark. You’ve been just as stressed as I’ve been.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so. If you’re like this every few days, I’m not going anywhere without you. It’s not too much of a vacation if I spend the entire time worrying about you.” His fingernails gently scratched my scalp as he straightened out my matted, tangled hair, and I relaxed for the first time in ages.

“I suppose that’s understandable. But you really don’t need to be worried about me. I’m okay, ‘Fe.”

“You’re scratched up, starving, you reek of alcohol, you haven’t fucking showered in days, and you’re going to tell me that you’re fine.” He had a point, I couldn’t really deny it. “Jack, you’re usually, like, one of the most put together people I know.”

“Can I sleep here tonight?” My question seemed to take him by surprise, and it looked for a second like he was going to turn me down.

“Would your boyfriend be alright with it?”

  
“He’s not my boyfriend.” I said defensively, moving away from Felix’s hand. “He’s not… we were just.. are just… hooking up. It’s fun, you know. It’s good.” A raised eyebrow told me just how much he didn’t believe me.

“Well, then you can stay. We’ll share my bed.” I nodded, though the idea made my stomach twist. Though Felix’s blue eyes held nothing but worry, I had dealt with too much misplaced trust to fall for what could easily be an act. When his arms wrapped around me and pulled me to lay against his chest, I gave in regardless, just content with being warm for a moment.

As the evening turned to night, Felix made me force down another few pieces of pizza (the ultimate food, he insisted, both carbs and vegetables.) and let me rest on the couch next to his computer while he did some work for his channel. I couldn’t keep his eyes off of him while he worked-- I was supposed to be resting, perhaps sleeping, but the way the computer monitor lit his blue eyes on fire in the dark room was mesmerizing. It never was as easy as I thought it could be to stop loving someone, no matter where your relationship went, or how badly you willed the feelings away. And watching him work, mouth upturned in a relaxed smile, blond hair growing shaggy as he played with it while he thought, made my chest ache in that all-too-familiar way.

“I'll be right back.” I excused myself from the room, slipping downstairs to my folded clothing and retrieving from the pocket one of the pills I had stolen from Adam. It slipped down my throat easily and I moved over to the kitchen to get water, just to have an excuse for being downstairs. At that time, it was my only hope that the pills would help distract my mind and heart enough that I could get some rest.  
“You alright?” He asked gently when I returned, eyes carefully scanning me.

“Yeah, just needed some water. You.. want to go to bed?” I offered, nodding towards the bedroom.

“I’ll be there in a second, you go ahead.”

I disappeared off to the bedroom, plugging my phone in beside the bed and curling in on my usual side. It was decorated like a teenager’s room, nondescript except a few anime posters on the wall above a short bookshelf, grey walls and hardwood floors. I had always tried to convince him to redecorate, maybe get some color in the room, but he insisted it was just how he liked it-- barren and impersonal. My phone lit up beside me in bed and, seeing it was a text from Adam, I ignored it for now. To the quiet sounds of Felix’s footsteps as he moved about his house preparing for bed I found myself dozing off, letting the soothing waves of the medication take over.

“---what the fuck are you on about?” Felix’s voice startled me awake from the other room, distressed. “Who even are you?” A pause. I reached over for my phone to check the time and found it missing. Fuck. I’ve never gotten out of bed quicker, sprinting to find Felix. “I don’t give a shit what you think is going on, you need to relax because you are an actual crazy person. No, you can’t speak to Jack--” He noticed me in the doorway and his face dropped.

“Please, Felix, give me the phone. Is that Adam? Just--- just give me the phone.” He muted the mic, looking at me.

“I’m sorry, he called like a dozen times, I thought it might be an emergency. Is this the guy you’re seeing? He needs to calm down.”

“He-- he has issues. He’s insecure. About us. Just let me talk to him.”

“No, Jack.” I watched as Felix hung up the call, and my stomach sank. I lunged for his hands, but he dutifully kept the phone out of my reach, holding it way above my head.

“Why the fuck are you answering my phone?” I demanded, the beginning of a panic attack tightening my chest.

“He called so many times I thought it might be an emergency! I didn't want to wake you up, and I definitely didn’t think it would be some psycho accusing me of fucking you. Jesus Christ, Jack. If he’s the one you spent the weekend with, I can see why you’re so fucking ragged.” He tucked my phone into his back pocket, shaking his head. “Let me make you breakfast, or something.”

“He’s not as bad as he sounds.” I insisted, following him down the hall. “He’s just high-strung. We’re not even dating, it’s just--” A single hand stopped me mid-sentence.

“I don’t even want to hear it. Dude sounds fucking volatile.”  
I sat down at the kitchen table, embarrassed. It wasn’t that Felix was so obviously frustrated and worried, it was that I knew he had a right to be. With every bit of restraint I had I kept my eyes off my clothing where the rest of my pill stash laid, my hands trembling in my lap.

“I just don’t want to talk about it.” I managed, my voice sounding weaker than I had intended. Felix glanced over to me from the fridge, where he was digging out some eggs and bacon.

“You sure about that?” I could only nod.

He seemed to respect my wishes and made breakfast in silence, serving me a meal I ate just to make him happy. Halfway through our meal he gave me my phone back, and I turned it over so the screen faced the table, Felix watching me carefully.

“Too nervous to look?”

“I don’t want to know.”

“That’s not normal. You realize that, right?” My blood boiled, gaze snapping up to meet his.

“You say that like you’re the king of normal, healthy relationships. I’m sorry if I misread things, but it seems like we’re a fucking mess as well, thanks to you.”

“Thanks to me? What are you on about?” Felix gave me a look like I was crazy, and I swore he was doing it on purpose, just to make me angrier. “All of everything we are has been your idea. You realize that, right?”

I felt trapped, questioning everything I had taken as my own truth the past few years. Was Adam right? Am I the one that asked for this? Was I the villain in my own story? In a flash I stood and whipped my phone at Felix in some fucked-up attempt to metaphorically group all the shitty, upsetting things in my life together. It hit his shoulder and he hardly reacted, the loud clatter of cracking glass echoing as it hit the tile floor.

“Do you honestly think that? That this was…” I shook my head. I wasn’t crazy, I just couldn’t think straight. “Fuck you, Felix. Fuck you, and fuck Adam. You both _fucking suck_. I need to go.” The room felt like it was closing in on me, my legs getting weaker with every step as I headed for the door. Felix didn’t move, and I made it nearly a block and a half before I collapsed, laying against someone’s picket fence on the concrete. I could have sworn I was going to die there, my vision fading out as it became harder to breathe. Fingernails dug at the sidewalk beneath me, my clothing, anything as I tried to hold on to reality. _It was all my fault._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Panic attacks suck.   
> (Is this where I shill BetterHealth?)
> 
> Also I've officially written myself into a corner, so excuse me while I try to fix this. 
> 
> I would make a Spotify playlist for this story but it would just be the entirety of blackbear's Digital Druglord with a little bit of Panic! At The Disco thrown in so


	4. Hikikomori Vibes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack does some soul searching, enjoys the remains of his medicine cabinet, and watches his career burst into flames

There’s something about sitting immobile on a public sidewalk, tears streaming down your face, fingernails scratching angry red marks into the soft side of your arms that really makes you think-about your life. The only thing linking all my failed relationships was me. I kept taking “less” as an answer. Felix didn’t return my love, but he’d act like he did when I needed him to. Adam wouldn’t even pretend he liked me, but he’d fuck me. I kept forming partial relationships through my own desperation to not be alone; to feel like maybe one day someone would change their mind. It was completely asinine. I had to cut all this bullshit from my life. I just  _ had _ to. And I knew where it had to start.

 

Still in Felix’s clothes I was knocking furiously on Adam’s door, a perhaps-undeserved righteousness burning a hole in my chest. Part of me honestly hoped Moira answered so I could tell her all of the terrible things her fiance had been doing behind her back, but I wasn’t surprised when it was just the man I had come to see.

 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He spat, eyes narrowed. I instantly felt myself shrinking, mouth drying as I tried to speak.

 

“I just...just… I didn’t sleep with Felix, alright? I didn’t.” Taking a deep breath, I tried to quell my trembling body, trying to stand strong and tall. “I didn’t sleep with him, and I think it’s shitty that you assumed I would, and that I did, and now he knows you’re fucking nuts and so do I. And I think we’re done here.”

 

“Just come in.” He sighed, flinging the door open. “Quit this bullshit and get in here.”   
  


“What? No.” I went to step back, but Adam grabbed my wrist, pulling me inside and shutting the door.

 

“You can’t fucking stand on my doorway like that, we know our neighbors. Moira knows them, anyway.” He sighed, running a hand down his face. “Now, what did you say?”

 

“I said this... mess... between us is over, and I’m gonna go now.” 

 

“You’re really not.” My eyes widened slightly, but I headed for the door anyway. “You stole from me, you know.” I grimaced, turning back to face him a mere half meter from the door.

 

“I’ll pay you. Those pills are what, ten euro a piece? I’ll give you twenty.” Anything to get out of here intact.

 

“Doesn’t change the fact that you felt entitled to my shit.” The distance between us closed, and he grabbed my face in one hand. I flinched. 

 

“I didn’t... I don’t know… you took me fucking bareback, isn’t that payment enough? Just let it go.”

 

“Nah. This is gonna keep happening. That’ll be my payment.” I couldn’t help but laugh, realizing that was a mistake when he glowered back.

“It’s not.” With a sudden twist of my head I pulled my face from his grip, stumbling backwards toward the door and feeling for the handle.

 

“I’m not going to chase you. You can leave. But I  _ will _ destroy you.” Adam smiled, retreating to take a seat in one of the kitchen chairs. As if reading my mind, he pushed out a second with his foot, gesturing for me to take a seat. I didn’t dare leave the doorway, handle in my hand.   
  
“Explain.” 

 

“I have videos. And photos. And texts. And just about everything that would send an absolute media hellstorm down on you, the likes of which your precious  _ Felix  _ hasn’t even experienced.”    
  
“You don’t have shit.” I wasn’t as confident as I sounded, and he seemed to know. Silently, he pulled his phone out, the room falling deadening silent as he tilted it towards me. From what I could tell it was a video from our first night together, in the club. 

 

_ “Jack, come on! Do a line with me!” The curly-haired friend encouraged, as the blonde poured them out. It had only taken me a second to agree, all too happily snorting the line in tandem with the brunette. In the background the blonde cheered. “Jacksepticeye, everyone! Who knew he could fucking party?!” _

 

Not letting the clip finish he flipped a few over, hitting play once again. This one was significantly more graphic, clearly a hidden camera of him fucking me this past week in my bedroom. I felt like I was going to throw up. 

 

“Now you can leave and all of these--” he flipped through, showing me thumbnails of at least a half dozen more screenshots and videos “can go right off to Daily Mail and TMZ. Or you could stay. Choice is yours. But I don’t think the parents of those children that love you so much are going to like you too much after they get a glimpse of this.” 

 

The world spun to a stop around me-- or, at least, it felt like it did. I didn’t know the man in front of me, a complete bastardization of the one who I had loved all those years ago. And he had me. I had to admit it. In terms of D&D alignments he would  _ definitely _ be chaotic evil, and there was no chance he wouldn’t go for the pay day and destruction if I forced his hand. Slowly I took my hand off the doorknob, resigning myself to a life of whatever  _ this _ was, until he got bored of me. 

 

Two steps towards him and I paused, my earlier rage returning. Didn’t I come here to stop all this bullshit? The last thing I needed was blackmail hanging over my head. I needed to just see myself to the metaphorical gallows. “Send it. Do what you want.” I sighed, my heart beating so loud I swore he could hear it. “Whatever. Just get it over with. I need to go.”   
  
He didn’t move, though I could hear his confidence draining. “You sure about that? Your career will be over.”   
  
“Yeah. Do your fucking worst, man. I’m done here.” Before I could change my mind I pulled open the door, slamming it behind me as I sprinted. I wasn’t sure where I was heading, but I didn’t want him to know where I went either, so I just kept running. When I felt safe enough I slowed down, trying not to think too much about the reality of my situation, just wishing I could call Felix.

 

By the time I got home, my friend was sitting on my front porch, holding my phone up. He had placed a piece of packing tape over the broken glass to hold it together, and I felt a little ashamed as I waved.    
“You left without your phone.”

  
“Yeah, I was kind of in a hurry. I’m.. I’m sorry. Fuck.” I sat down next to him on the stairs, resting my face in my hands. “I fucked up. I fucked up so much and I’m so sorry.”   
  
“Apology accepted, Jackie.” Felix nudged my shoulder with his, moving closer to me. “Where did you go, anyway?”   
  
“Adam’s.” I admitted, the name burning my throat. “Ended things with him. It was too much.”   
  
“Oh. And how poorly did that go?” The smirk on Felix’s face was almost tangible in his voice, and I looked up, glaring at him with the little energy I had left.

 

“Absolutely catastrophic. Like, he has a bunch of videos of me doing fucked-up things and sexts and stuff that are going to make your media firestorm look like a campfire.” I laughed in spite of myself, shaking my head. “He was never like this before. I don’t.. I don’t know what happened.” It was a time I still wished I could bottle and keep, already yearning for the self-destruction and numbness he could bring me. But it was no surprise that the man who helped me ruin myself was looking to finish the job.

 

“People change. You should know that.”   
  
“Yeah. We need to talk.” Felix’s head snapped over to look at me, one eyebrow raised. 

 

“Should I be worried?” 

 

“I think we should take a break from each other and then maybe, like, we can come back to this, but… as friends?” I stared at the ground in front of me, not able to look him in the eyes as my stomach churned.    
“I just did some thinking and this halfsies bullshit I keep doing with people is just…” I could feel my eyes burning as they teared up. “I can’t keep it up. I love you, you know that. Still.” Felix put his hand on my knee and I looked up at him, wiping the tears from my cheeks with the palm of my hand. “I still fucking love you.” I sighed out of frustration with myself, trying to stop the tears. “I’m so sorry I messed things up this much.”

 

“You didn’t.” Felix insisted, squeezing my knee. “Really, Jack. It’s okay. If you need a break, I can give you that. Just, like, take care of yourself, yeah? You haven’t been doing a whole lot of that recently. The last thing I need is you dying on me because you forget to eat or something.” Felix stood, offering me a hand to pull me to my feet. “And look, everything that’s coming, if he follows through… you’ll be fine. I promise. People will stop talking about it in a few weeks. Call me if you need me, alright?”

 

I nodded, patting him on the shoulder. “Yeah, sure. I’ll see you later, alright?” Turning from him I went inside, telling myself that everything was going to be fine. I just had to be ready. 

 

In preparation for the oncoming storm I spent the next few hours filming a week of videos, sending them off to my editor to fix and queue for upload. I cleaned my house (not a monstrous task, since I hadn’t been home a lot recently, and cooked a large pot of rice to keep in the fridge. And then, by night time, I stopped. When I say ‘I stopped’ I mean ‘I hit an absolutely comatose level of doing absolutely nothing.’ I spent the next 48 hours self-medicating with the sleeping pills, cold medicine, and the booze I had left around my house. As long as I was dizzy or tired or shaking or drunk, I would focus on that instead and it was a welcome relief from everything that had been happening. Of course I occasionally ate, just to keep my promise to Felix, but my final meal for a long while was interrupted by a text from that same man.

 

_ Turn off your phone. _

 

I sighed, pushing the bowl of plain rice to the side, reaching for the half-finished beer in front of me instead. So it had begun. 

 

**_I’ll be fine._ **

 

As soon as I hit send my notifications went insane, calls and emails coming in from news outlets across the world alongside concerned texts from friends.  I moved my phone into Do Not Disturb mode and threw it haphazardly onto the carpet in the adjacent room, anxious nausea setting in and sending me darting for the bathroom. With my head bowed over the toilet, the beer, liquor, and meagre serving of rice spread out on the water before me, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was what dying felt like. Part of me felt like perhaps disappearing into the mountains and just abandoning my YouTube was the best course of action at this point, but I never was much of a survival man. Maybe I could just disconnect my internet and stay inside, fulfilling my destiny of being the human equivalent of an indoor cat. What did they call them in Japan, again? Hikikomori. That was a better idea. Fewer bugs.

 

When my stomach was empty and my breath evened out I mindlessly went to my desktop in my recording studio, flicking on my ring light out of habit. It blazed in the dark room, practically blinding me as I stared at the black monitor, watching my own reflection. It took me a second to recognize myself, face pale and gaunt, dark circles around my eyes, hair that hadn’t been combed since I had spent the night at Felix’s. There was still a bruise on my lower jaw from where Adam had grabbed me when I went to talk to him, the faint outline of his fingertips. 

 

There was only one person I wanted to see right now, and it was the one I had sworn myself off from. I knew he would come running if I even so much as alluded to asking, but that wouldn’t be fair to drag him into all of this. This was only my fault, and I didn’t even know what I would say if he did show up. I was stupid. I deserved this.

A few hours later I was passed out on my couch when there was a knock at the door. I opted to ignore it, but it was quickly followed by the sound of the door unlocking, and a familiar voice echoing down the hall. “Jack? You here?” Groaning I picked myself up, wiping the drool from my mouth.    
  
“Yeah, yeah. I’m here. I thought we were avoiding each other for a bit? You’re not doing me any favors.” I complained, ignoring the pounding in my head from my incoming mid-afternoon hangover. He leaned in the doorway with a soft smile, well-rested and freshly shaven, a relatively large box in his hands.

 

“What is that? You don’t have to bring food every time you come here, you know.”   
  
“I know. But I convinced the people at Tesco to make this for me and I couldn’t pass up the chance…” He lifted the lid of the box, revealing a rainbow-frosted cake with the words “Sorry u r a coke slut now” artfully written across the top. For the first time in days I laughed, holding out my arms for a hug, which he quickly returned.   
  
“You always know how to make me feel better.” I admitted, still giggling. “So is that what I am now? I used to be on the list of top Irish people in the world and now… I’m the internet’s famous coke slut.”   
  
“Oh yeah.” Felix nodded, trying not to laugh. “It’s an interesting new reputation you’ve got. Everyone’s really confused that you’ve just been putting up videos like normal.”   
  
“I haven’t even been online since we spoke.”

 

“Well, I’ve got my lawyer working on getting them taken down. For the partying stuff, I think we can sue him for copyright and you can take them down. The explicit stuff--  I figured it’s revenge porn, right? So we can get him on that, too, and that’ll help your case with the media... ” He trailed off, shaking his head. “You’ve got paperwork to fill out with the police, but that can wait.” Felix must have been able to see my distress at the thought of everything I’d have to go through, because he quickly changed the subject, leading me back to the couch. He put the cake down on the table in front of us, turning to face me. “Can I talk to you about something?”   
  
My eyes narrowed at his change in demeanor, not ready for whatever question was coming up next. He clearly had seen everything, and the last thing I wanted to talk about was… well… any of that. “Yeah, go for it.” I conceded. This conversation was going to need to happen anyway.

 

“Look, since we talked last, and you said you wanted a break, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.” He took one of my hands in his, gently squeezing it. “I think I’d like to date.” I watched as his eyes moved about the room, trying to catch him with my own gaze. “Like, real dating? My family is coming to town in a few weeks, and I’d like if they could meet you as, like, my proper boyfriend.” My mouth was dry, anxiety sitting heavily in my chest. This was what I had wanted for years, why was I afraid?

 

“Felix, I…” 

 

“I know, I know. It doesn’t make sense, we’ve been casually fucking for like ages now and I wish I could say that this change of heart had nothing to do with Adam. But honestly I just always felt like there was an eventuality between us and I was too scared to put it into words because I figured I’d fuck it up somehow. And then you started seeing  _ him _ and I figured you leaving was my penance for me being a total coward, or whatever. I just can’t see you go again, Jack.”

 

“Jesus christ, ‘Fe.” I was quiet for a second, gently squeezing his hand to try to stop him from launching into another speech. “Yeah. Yeah, I mean, let’s do it, I just didn’t think this would…” especially after the messiness he’d seen the past few weeks, it astounded me he even wanted to be my friend still. “Make you still want me? You know? I’ve been awful and mean and really… confused. I’m still confused and I feel like I’m half a step away from fucking offing myself as it stands, and I don’t know why you’d want to get entangled in that.” I admitted  in a mess of word vomit. He reached his free hand up, pushing my messy green hair out of my eyes, smiling softly, perhaps a bit sadly.

 

“I love you, Jack. And I want to help you. Both as your boyfriend, and as your best friend. Will you let me?” Felix asked earnestly. 

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll try. I love you too.” Before I knew it I was being kissed, and it was just like our first kiss all over again. Except, this time, I knew he wasn’t going anywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I wrote two chapter fics?? I'm usually a one shot person. But hey, here's what's probably the second-to-last chapter of this one. Next will be an epilogue, I think. Don't hold me to that.
> 
> Anyway, good on England for actually having revenge porn law. I don't think most states in the US do. Absolutely absurd.
> 
> On a personal note, updates are going up slower because of depression & laziness & most of my remaining energy going to repairing my community garden plot that some human/creature/force of nature had a go at over this past week. Work never ends. But! I have my first ever psychiatrist appointment this week, so send me good mental health vibes while I pray that they don't laugh in my face and send me to a counselor or something. 100 proof whiskey and 90 day fiance are NOT good enough anti-depressants, y'all.
> 
> Have a good & safe week!


End file.
